Monday, November 2, 2009

HW 17 comments on Julie's outline

I really like your approach in preparing what will be your most important paper for this unit.  Your arguments are pretty solid and your thesis gets your point across in a way that the reader will know right off the bat what topics your paper will be covering. Below, I layed out a couple corrections you can make that I think will make your paper that much better. 

- Your first argument ( 1)How technology is today) is not really an argument.  Try to use what you know about present day technology an incorporate it into your introduction 

- Instead of saying "Teens today are all consumed with electronics" its better English to say "This day in age teens are consumed/emersed with electronic digital devices"

- Try to give an example of what you think the "NEXT BIG" digital representational device is going to be and try to go in depth as a way to keep your anxious readers on the age of their seats.... wanting more. 

-The most important thing to know while writing your blog is to get your opinions across and keep it as interesting as possible

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